Mampukah lagi aku menelan kepedihan yang terjamu depan mata? Meneguk racun kepalsuan yang terhidang di geluk derita? Kerja gila apa yang cuba kau sudahkan hingga hancur tugu setia? Luluh kota cinta? Gila! Kau terusan berdusta tanpa tahu yang aku tidak lagi percaya.
Senyumku bukan gembira, tapi sinis mendengar kepalsuanmu. Kau tabur sumpah yang kau sendiri takkan mampu menggalas. Takkan pernah terampun dosamu padaku. Takkan pernah kumaafkan janji yang tak kau kotakan. Biar hidup dan matimu sebagai manusia munafik.
Kalau kau sangka aku sedih kehilanganmu, ketahuilah..kau tak pernah memiliki aku.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thanks, but no thanks
Thank you for your concern, but really I am fine. Considering the hard time I'm going through and I'm still standing, I would say I am more than fine. No reason why you should be worried about me, and no reason why I should be worried about me either.
I am as happy as I can be.. though not overjoyed, but neither am I sulking. I do need a companion, but as long as I have no one, I can still be happy with Ms me, Ms myself and Ms I. You need not ask me how am I doing, I can take care of myself.
Now let's go our own ways, and never ask about me again. There's no reason why I need to tell my guts feeling, I just don't feel like sharing it with anyone. I have my own life to live. And I believe, so do you.
I am as happy as I can be.. though not overjoyed, but neither am I sulking. I do need a companion, but as long as I have no one, I can still be happy with Ms me, Ms myself and Ms I. You need not ask me how am I doing, I can take care of myself.
Now let's go our own ways, and never ask about me again. There's no reason why I need to tell my guts feeling, I just don't feel like sharing it with anyone. I have my own life to live. And I believe, so do you.
Morning
Good morning everyone! It's a new day and I'm looking forward to baking cakes and cookies for tomorrow's opening of my friend's outlet. Well, I'll promote my stuffs there, hopefully will get a verrrry good response from friends and visitors alike.
For those of you guys who are interested to order my cakes and cookies, feel free to send me emails on my Facebook. I always check my emails there. Otherwise, give me a call at 017-6957611. Mind you, this line is strictly for business only. No hanky panky hokayyy? Uhhh.. but for now, better email me cos I'm out of credit for that line. Hehehe..;)
Okay guys.. enough about cakes and cookies. Awaiting your emails and calls.
Enjoy your day today. TTYL.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Lies
I had this question in my mind and need answer.
Why do people lie? I just don't understand why are people not happy with the truth? Try to camouflage themself as someone they are not? And they think people won't find out? As if the world is a very big space and they can hide the truth.
Well, let me see.. There are so many reasons that people lie to others. Like they do not want the other party to know about them, cause they are not sincere people. Or they are trying to take advantage of the other party, and telling the truth means the other party will not give in to them. Or they don't like the truth about them cause their life sucksss.. and they want people to think that they live such a happy life. Pity this kind of people.
The worst kind of lie is when you purposely tell people totally the opposite when being asked. Not telling is one thing, lying is another.
Well, I guess when the truth has at last be known, the least the liar can do is to explain why the lie. And if the liar simply did nothing to clear the air, that means that he/she does not even care if you find out the truth and your reaction to it. And they won't hesitate to lie again if given a chance.
Why do people lie? I just don't understand why are people not happy with the truth? Try to camouflage themself as someone they are not? And they think people won't find out? As if the world is a very big space and they can hide the truth.
Well, let me see.. There are so many reasons that people lie to others. Like they do not want the other party to know about them, cause they are not sincere people. Or they are trying to take advantage of the other party, and telling the truth means the other party will not give in to them. Or they don't like the truth about them cause their life sucksss.. and they want people to think that they live such a happy life. Pity this kind of people.
The worst kind of lie is when you purposely tell people totally the opposite when being asked. Not telling is one thing, lying is another.
Well, I guess when the truth has at last be known, the least the liar can do is to explain why the lie. And if the liar simply did nothing to clear the air, that means that he/she does not even care if you find out the truth and your reaction to it. And they won't hesitate to lie again if given a chance.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Luka
Dan yang terakhirnya.. kutinggalkan jauh segala angan yang tak mungkin tercapai. Langkah kaki makin laju menuju destinasi yang entah dimana. Kata orang hidup ini satu perjalanan, bukan satu destinasi. Lantas perlukah aku terus berjalan tanpa henti? Berjalan, berlari dan terus..? Apa lagi?
Buntu aku dengan hidup. Sungguh! Aku bagai hilang arah. Bagai hilang punca. Bagai anak kucing hilang ibu. Tergagau dalam sepi tak bertepi. Sepi yang tiada penghujung. Dalam tawa aku menangis sendirian. Dalam senyum aku tenggelam dalam kesunyian.
Kadang aku ingin menangis. Tapi untuk apa? Terlalu banyak kepedihan hingga aku tak tahu luka mana yang paling berbisa. Dan aku tak tahu dipenjuru mana hatiku yang paling terluka. Yang mana harus aku tangiskan dahulu agar luka-luka yang lain dapat merasai kesedihan yang saksama.
Luka semalam belum lagi bercantum, hari ini aku menambah luka di dalam dada. Sedih yang makin sarat. Mata yang kian memberat. Biar! Biarkan luka itu terus berdarah. Biar! Biar sakit di hatiku makin parah!
Buntu aku dengan hidup. Sungguh! Aku bagai hilang arah. Bagai hilang punca. Bagai anak kucing hilang ibu. Tergagau dalam sepi tak bertepi. Sepi yang tiada penghujung. Dalam tawa aku menangis sendirian. Dalam senyum aku tenggelam dalam kesunyian.
Kadang aku ingin menangis. Tapi untuk apa? Terlalu banyak kepedihan hingga aku tak tahu luka mana yang paling berbisa. Dan aku tak tahu dipenjuru mana hatiku yang paling terluka. Yang mana harus aku tangiskan dahulu agar luka-luka yang lain dapat merasai kesedihan yang saksama.
Luka semalam belum lagi bercantum, hari ini aku menambah luka di dalam dada. Sedih yang makin sarat. Mata yang kian memberat. Biar! Biarkan luka itu terus berdarah. Biar! Biar sakit di hatiku makin parah!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I am strong
I refuse to be broken hearted. Though there's so many reason for me to break down and cry, but I won't! I will not let anybody to control my life..how I feel..how I should react!
I won't hate anybody cos hating means I still have emotions over them. I won't feel, I won't think, I won't remember! Don't for one second think just because you did what you did, I will cry over you. You are not the end of my world. Not even the beginning.
I will be strong.. and I will move on. I will face the world with pride and will not turn back. I will find my own happiness and enjoy my life to the fullest.
If being happy means I have to live without you, that is what I will have to do.
I won't hate anybody cos hating means I still have emotions over them. I won't feel, I won't think, I won't remember! Don't for one second think just because you did what you did, I will cry over you. You are not the end of my world. Not even the beginning.
I will be strong.. and I will move on. I will face the world with pride and will not turn back. I will find my own happiness and enjoy my life to the fullest.
If being happy means I have to live without you, that is what I will have to do.
It's hard to be me!
As I describe myself, I am very difficult to understand. Not only that, I am also very very undecisive. I can't make up my mind on what to order when I'm at a makan place. And I can't make up my mind on where to go when I have a long break.. Owhh.. that explains the reason why I didn't go anywhere during CNY holiday.. Sighhh..now I know.
Know what happened yesterday.. I wanted to go out shopping for some things for my cakes. There were two bakery shops that I frequented when I need to resupply. So I drove my car to te left where the closer shop is situated. 2 minutes later, myself and I had a quarrel. Should I go to the left or to the right side shop.. And..being the undecisive me, made a u-turn, almost knocking down a motorcyclist and change path to the right. Hehehehe...
That's not the end of it.. :P.. then I thought that I could also get the things that I needed, and more, at Tesco. And myself and I quarreled again. Should I go to the right side bakery shop or to Tesco. And so I make a round trip at the park in front of my house to think.. :P. And then, I decided (huh!) to go to the bakery shop on the right. It's at Chow Kit road to be exact!
You thought I stopped there?? Nooo.. hehehe but at least I arrived safely at Chow Kit and had some of the things that I needed before I put it back on the rack!! Because I thought that I can get a better price at Tesco! And I drove all the way to Tesco (30 minutes drive!) , and compare the price for some of the things that I thought is cheaper and found out that.. no, the price is just about the same. Plus the fuel cost, and the time spent, I am better off buying all the things that I needed at Chow Kit and just get on with it!!!
A verrrrry long yesterday, huh??? Hahahahah ;)
Know what happened yesterday.. I wanted to go out shopping for some things for my cakes. There were two bakery shops that I frequented when I need to resupply. So I drove my car to te left where the closer shop is situated. 2 minutes later, myself and I had a quarrel. Should I go to the left or to the right side shop.. And..being the undecisive me, made a u-turn, almost knocking down a motorcyclist and change path to the right. Hehehehe...
That's not the end of it.. :P.. then I thought that I could also get the things that I needed, and more, at Tesco. And myself and I quarreled again. Should I go to the right side bakery shop or to Tesco. And so I make a round trip at the park in front of my house to think.. :P. And then, I decided (huh!) to go to the bakery shop on the right. It's at Chow Kit road to be exact!
You thought I stopped there?? Nooo.. hehehe but at least I arrived safely at Chow Kit and had some of the things that I needed before I put it back on the rack!! Because I thought that I can get a better price at Tesco! And I drove all the way to Tesco (30 minutes drive!) , and compare the price for some of the things that I thought is cheaper and found out that.. no, the price is just about the same. Plus the fuel cost, and the time spent, I am better off buying all the things that I needed at Chow Kit and just get on with it!!!
A verrrrry long yesterday, huh??? Hahahahah ;)
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Masih
Masih aku rindu dan pilu.. Tiada khabar yang kau kirim walau telah puas aku memujuk hatimu. Mengapa masih diam membungkam tanpa kata. Apa tiada lagi segugus setia yang dulu kita janji bersama?
Masih juga kau terus menyepi tanpa kata. Mungkin mengulik kecewamu, tapi bagaimana pula aku? Aku juga punya secebis kecewa yang tak terungkapkan. Sebagaimana engkau, aku juga punya jiwa yang telah terhiris. Tapi hati ini tetap rindu.. Jiwa ini tetap mendendang lagu cinta luka. Bagaimana harus terus aku lalui hari-hari sepi tanpa dirimu menemani.
Masih lagi hening di dinihari. Tanpa suara dan tanpa pesanan. Tanpa dering telefon dan pesanan ringkas. Segalanya diam..segalanya suram. Bagai musim bunga kini sudah berlalu dan aku kembali membilang sepi hari demi hari.
Akankah kau kembali mengisi kesunyian hari? Dan kembali mewarnai ceria bagai dulu? Akankah hari-hariku kembali menatap bening matamu?
Masih juga kau terus menyepi tanpa kata. Mungkin mengulik kecewamu, tapi bagaimana pula aku? Aku juga punya secebis kecewa yang tak terungkapkan. Sebagaimana engkau, aku juga punya jiwa yang telah terhiris. Tapi hati ini tetap rindu.. Jiwa ini tetap mendendang lagu cinta luka. Bagaimana harus terus aku lalui hari-hari sepi tanpa dirimu menemani.
Masih lagi hening di dinihari. Tanpa suara dan tanpa pesanan. Tanpa dering telefon dan pesanan ringkas. Segalanya diam..segalanya suram. Bagai musim bunga kini sudah berlalu dan aku kembali membilang sepi hari demi hari.
Akankah kau kembali mengisi kesunyian hari? Dan kembali mewarnai ceria bagai dulu? Akankah hari-hariku kembali menatap bening matamu?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Rindu
Hari ini awan mendung dan kelabu. Semendung hatiku tanpa hadirmu. Sekelabu warna wajahku tanpa bisik suaramu. Lelah aku menanti kehadiranmu.. dalam tidur, dalam jaga. Dalam angan dan sedarku menyebut namamu di hujung lidah dan dilubuk hati. Rawan dan gundah jiwa raga mengenangmu seorang. Mengapa masih tak kunjung datang. Jenguklah sekejap hanya untuk menghambat rindu di kamar hati.
Sungguh aku rindu renunganmu. Merenungku tak berkelip. Menjengah segenap inci wajahku. Mengusap lembut hanya dengan lirikan. Lemas aku dalam bening matamu.
Juga aku rindu suaramu. Mesra menyentuh gegendang telingaku dengan ucapan-ucapan rindu penuh syahdu. Mendendang irama ceria sepanjang siang hingga malam. Hanyut aku dalam kisah kasih yang kau lagukan.
Tapi kini.. belum juga kau datang. Belum juga kau hambat rindu yang kian menggunung. Belum juga kau dendangkan aku dengan lagu kasih mesra. Belum lagi aku terpana dalam bening matamu. Belum lagi hangat pipiku dibelai hela nafasmu.
Kemarilah sayang..tawarkan kerinduan yang menggigit. Usah biar hanya sedikit kecewa merobohkan tugu rindu yang baru terbina. Kukuhkan hati, biar cinta terus membara. Kembalikan kegembiraan ku itu. Kembalikan keceriaan diwajahku.
Sungguh aku rindu renunganmu. Merenungku tak berkelip. Menjengah segenap inci wajahku. Mengusap lembut hanya dengan lirikan. Lemas aku dalam bening matamu.
Juga aku rindu suaramu. Mesra menyentuh gegendang telingaku dengan ucapan-ucapan rindu penuh syahdu. Mendendang irama ceria sepanjang siang hingga malam. Hanyut aku dalam kisah kasih yang kau lagukan.
Tapi kini.. belum juga kau datang. Belum juga kau hambat rindu yang kian menggunung. Belum juga kau dendangkan aku dengan lagu kasih mesra. Belum lagi aku terpana dalam bening matamu. Belum lagi hangat pipiku dibelai hela nafasmu.
Kemarilah sayang..tawarkan kerinduan yang menggigit. Usah biar hanya sedikit kecewa merobohkan tugu rindu yang baru terbina. Kukuhkan hati, biar cinta terus membara. Kembalikan kegembiraan ku itu. Kembalikan keceriaan diwajahku.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Emotions
Aku bosan ke? Aku rasa macam aku ok jer.. kadang2 kuar dengan kawan2, dengan ex-ofismates, member2 chatting.. Time keje banyak memang aku tak sempat nak tanya kabar pun la.. tapiiii kalau time takde keje sangat, aku hang out je dengan memember..
So.. aku bosan ke? Weekend aku dengan princess.. Jalan2, ice-skating..bowling..movie going.. takde pulak masa yang tak terisi.. Pegi shopping, or window shopping..
So.. aku bosan ke wei??? Hmmm... rasanyer tak kut.. lonely maybe..
Aku lonely ke? Hmmm... malam2 tido peluk bantal sorang2... kadang2 bantal peluk aku sebab aku dah tersepak dia jatuh katil.. Hahahah!! Aku lonely ke? Jalan2 tengok kapel peluk2, pegang2 tangan.. aku telan air liur je la..
Hadeyyyyy... lonely nyerrr aku!!
So.. aku bosan ke? Weekend aku dengan princess.. Jalan2, ice-skating..bowling..movie going.. takde pulak masa yang tak terisi.. Pegi shopping, or window shopping..
So.. aku bosan ke wei??? Hmmm... rasanyer tak kut.. lonely maybe..
Aku lonely ke? Hmmm... malam2 tido peluk bantal sorang2... kadang2 bantal peluk aku sebab aku dah tersepak dia jatuh katil.. Hahahah!! Aku lonely ke? Jalan2 tengok kapel peluk2, pegang2 tangan.. aku telan air liur je la..
Hadeyyyyy... lonely nyerrr aku!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Inkheart
Just came back from GSC Mid Valley to catch a movie. Was quite nice and entertaining for kids and adults alike. The story was about Mo, who has this gift of making stories came into life when he read it out loud. But when the charater came to life, he or she will be replaced by someone from the real life. So, Mo lost his wife who were absorbed into the book.
I had to queue for half an hour before I reached the counter. Never thought that I would be that patient to queue away, but that's what I did. I wonder how all the youngsters or movie goer could actually do that everytime they went for a movie. Can't be that they booked in advance all the time right? Cos I tried to do that but I can't and were asked to go to the counter.. Sighhh.. Or did I do it the wrong way? Hehehe.. yeah I'm an old woman.
Well.. you all should go watch a movie sometimes too. Like when you don't know what to do.. or run out of things to do.. or just to kill the time while waiting for someone.. or for whatever reason.
Ok for now.. catch u up later.. ;)
I had to queue for half an hour before I reached the counter. Never thought that I would be that patient to queue away, but that's what I did. I wonder how all the youngsters or movie goer could actually do that everytime they went for a movie. Can't be that they booked in advance all the time right? Cos I tried to do that but I can't and were asked to go to the counter.. Sighhh.. Or did I do it the wrong way? Hehehe.. yeah I'm an old woman.
Well.. you all should go watch a movie sometimes too. Like when you don't know what to do.. or run out of things to do.. or just to kill the time while waiting for someone.. or for whatever reason.
Ok for now.. catch u up later.. ;)
Am I really sad or is it just hormone change??
I'm feeling quite down these few days.. been this way for quite a while.
Am I really sad? Or mad? Somehow I do feel painful in my chest. Like I'm about to burst or to explode. Like I'm keeping something inside. Don't know what is it or how to let it ease away. Or do I know the root cause of it?
Or could it be just hormone change. I'm counting my days until the girl 's best friend pay me a visit. You know.. the monthly visitor. Never late.. hope it won't be until the day i take my vow.. hehehe...;)
Well.. maybe I'm just tired.. and I'm sleepy.. Maybe i should just go to sleep. And start a new day tomorrow..owhh it's already a new day!!
Am I really sad? Or mad? Somehow I do feel painful in my chest. Like I'm about to burst or to explode. Like I'm keeping something inside. Don't know what is it or how to let it ease away. Or do I know the root cause of it?
Or could it be just hormone change. I'm counting my days until the girl 's best friend pay me a visit. You know.. the monthly visitor. Never late.. hope it won't be until the day i take my vow.. hehehe...;)
Well.. maybe I'm just tired.. and I'm sleepy.. Maybe i should just go to sleep. And start a new day tomorrow..owhh it's already a new day!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Starting a new life..
I just came back from meeting a long time acquaintance. Wouldn't call him a friend since we were never that close, but we used to have a history back then. It quite taken me aback that he said thanks that I agreed to see him today. Well.. that is almost like an apology for things that has happened before, though for me I never want to remember all the bad memories. For me, everybody makes mistake including me. And if the other party started contacting me again after a long while, I have no problem with that. Generous huh? Hehehe.. Such a good soul that's me ;).
Reason that I went to see him was actually to let him test my cake. Though I doubt he would promote it for me, but who knows.. He might feel obligated to do so.. Huehuehue.. And if that thing ever happen, who will benefit from it other than me?
Well, ok.. We met and had a chit chat for a while. I asked him how has he been doing and so he asked me the same thing. Then, he said that he wanted to start a new life. Wanting to forget what has just recently passed. He broke up with his fiance. Not sure who dump who but the hurt must be unbearable if he wanted to went away just to heal up. I wouldn't agree though for someone to leave the country just to run away from someone. For me, it's like you are letting someone to control your life when he or she doesn't even want you! Otherwise, you'll never break up right? And why ever do you want to leave all your commitment, your beloved family, kids, friends, business, etc just for his or her sake. Gosh!! Personally, I would prefer to ask the other party to leave instead of me!
Yup.. I know I have no right whatsoever to tell someone to do this or that. That would make me trying to control someone else's life when I don't have the right to do so. This is just how I feel. Anyway it's my blog and I have THE right to write my personal view on this issue right?
So tell me, what do you all think about this? Feel free to write me your personal view.
Reason that I went to see him was actually to let him test my cake. Though I doubt he would promote it for me, but who knows.. He might feel obligated to do so.. Huehuehue.. And if that thing ever happen, who will benefit from it other than me?
Well, ok.. We met and had a chit chat for a while. I asked him how has he been doing and so he asked me the same thing. Then, he said that he wanted to start a new life. Wanting to forget what has just recently passed. He broke up with his fiance. Not sure who dump who but the hurt must be unbearable if he wanted to went away just to heal up. I wouldn't agree though for someone to leave the country just to run away from someone. For me, it's like you are letting someone to control your life when he or she doesn't even want you! Otherwise, you'll never break up right? And why ever do you want to leave all your commitment, your beloved family, kids, friends, business, etc just for his or her sake. Gosh!! Personally, I would prefer to ask the other party to leave instead of me!
Yup.. I know I have no right whatsoever to tell someone to do this or that. That would make me trying to control someone else's life when I don't have the right to do so. This is just how I feel. Anyway it's my blog and I have THE right to write my personal view on this issue right?
So tell me, what do you all think about this? Feel free to write me your personal view.
My first blog
It's still early on Tuesday morning on the 27th January, 2009.. 2nd day of CNY holiday. Or is it 2nd? Considering the two buddies (Saturday and Sunday), it is more appropriate to say it's the 4th day of the CNY holiday.. or is it? Well.. does is matter anyway? 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th? It is holiday dude!
However, this being the 1st blog I wrote here.. that should count for something though.. Hehehe.. I mean.. me?? Writing?? Have always been my dream.. well, one of the many actually.
I used to write when I was in school.. Poems, short stories, articles. You know, that stuff. And had once in a while got it published. And I like to read too.. the many stories written by the many writers and sometimes bloggers. Now that I have the whole time the world in me own hands (I have just quit my job actually.. not really just, been two weeks already and am enjoying it heartily), I figure why not start doing it again. I mean I love doing it, and I don't have much to do otherwise, besides baking cakes. Yerp, I bake cakes as a living nowadays ;). Just started too.. like re-writing. Only different, I never bake before..hehehe..
Right, back to my dream of writing.. I have always wanted to write a novel. Love stories maybe..but am always stuck for first few words. Always, always, always. How do people start writing novels? Should I write in past tense? Or present? Should I write it as in I am the person in the novel? I mean "me"ing the character? Or "she"ing it. You know what I mean? And how does the heroin and the hero meet? And should I write light and easy love story or the heavy stuff? I don't mean "that" heavy heavy.. I mean maybe they are professionals in love instead of the schoolers or college goers.
Yeah.. I think I should just write what I feel like writing and then re-visit the written stuff. See whether that makes sense or not. And adjust as appropriate. Hey..am I giving too much away?? Hahaha.. Too much? or nothing at all.
So dear friends.. Please, please,please support me blog and read it always. I will continue updating the progress of my upcoming novel, huhuhu... Don't you ever doubt it honey. That would come someday.
Okay dude!! Till later.. maybe I'll write again today!
However, this being the 1st blog I wrote here.. that should count for something though.. Hehehe.. I mean.. me?? Writing?? Have always been my dream.. well, one of the many actually.
I used to write when I was in school.. Poems, short stories, articles. You know, that stuff. And had once in a while got it published. And I like to read too.. the many stories written by the many writers and sometimes bloggers. Now that I have the whole time the world in me own hands (I have just quit my job actually.. not really just, been two weeks already and am enjoying it heartily), I figure why not start doing it again. I mean I love doing it, and I don't have much to do otherwise, besides baking cakes. Yerp, I bake cakes as a living nowadays ;). Just started too.. like re-writing. Only different, I never bake before..hehehe..
Right, back to my dream of writing.. I have always wanted to write a novel. Love stories maybe..but am always stuck for first few words. Always, always, always. How do people start writing novels? Should I write in past tense? Or present? Should I write it as in I am the person in the novel? I mean "me"ing the character? Or "she"ing it. You know what I mean? And how does the heroin and the hero meet? And should I write light and easy love story or the heavy stuff? I don't mean "that" heavy heavy.. I mean maybe they are professionals in love instead of the schoolers or college goers.
Yeah.. I think I should just write what I feel like writing and then re-visit the written stuff. See whether that makes sense or not. And adjust as appropriate. Hey..am I giving too much away?? Hahaha.. Too much? or nothing at all.
So dear friends.. Please, please,please support me blog and read it always. I will continue updating the progress of my upcoming novel, huhuhu... Don't you ever doubt it honey. That would come someday.
Okay dude!! Till later.. maybe I'll write again today!
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