Do I have a life or what??

The reason why I had this blog was to write anything that I wanted to. But now, I just cant do it anymore. My hands are tied, my mouth is shut. God, I just can't believe I'll ever be in this situation.

Why is it so much harder to write now than ever before? Am I not being honest to myself anymore? Or am I scared that I might hurt others' feelings? Both are right. I just can't be true to myself now. I can't write what I wanted to, when I wanted to.. I can't just burst out my own guts feeling in here anymore.

I used to be so free.. so easy and light hearted. Why am I not the same person nowadays? Why am I so guarded? From whom do I need to hide? To run and seek for protection? I don't owe anyone, I live my own life. But still, I don't feel as free anymore.

Do I have a life? Or am I living someone else's life? Carrying someone else's responsibility? Raising someone else's children? Paying someone else's debts? God, this is so hard. I feel like I can't breathe anymore. Like I can't do as I like, for people are always talking behind my back. Do I have to act Mrs Goody Goody all the time, seriously I am just not that.

I used to have my own plan..now that all gone down the drain. I can't live my plan anymore, my life has been lived by someone before and now I have to carry on where it was left. Either that or I can stop living that life and start fresh.